Floating

As I mentioned in an earlier post, a friend recently commented to me that I am just “floating through life…” as if it were a bad thing.

I then questioned if floating through life is really a bad thing?  It may not be the way for some, but does it work for others?

I will say that, for the most part, I have not followed a “traditional” path in my professional career.  Much to the chagrin of my father, I did not select a career in aerospace (like him) or some other allegedly secure field.  And for that I have paid a price.

That price is that, while many of my friends have worked in jobs or careers their whole lives (some readily admit that it was in a job they did not like) and are now able to retire, I still have to look for work.

I could never see the point of working at something I did not like doing, as a means to be able to enjoy my later years.  What about enjoying these years, too?  What about enjoying all of them?

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I’m probably not the first person to wonder about the meaning of life.  What’s it all about, Alfie?  Yet, while most reach middle-age and begin questioning the meaning of life, I remember having those thoughts back when I was about seven-years-old.

Today it seems to me that the meaning of life in Western Society is to work hard to make money to get things.  And then die.

And I’ve had those things in my life.  I have heard myself, of late, bemoaning the fact that I used to drive a Lexus and had expensive golf clubs and a wine refrigerator and clothes and on and on.  But, in truth, those things never meant that much to me.  Looking back, it feels like I was buying things to fill an emptiness; and whatever I bought was never able to fill that void.  And when the thing doesn’t fill the void, then I’d need another thing.

However, emotional and spiritual emptiness cannot be compensated for by the possession of material objects.  There are never enough things.

I do feel much lighter with nothing… or close to it.

I do have my laptop and my Kindle and a cell phone and a Coolpix camera.  But not much else besides my clothes and some video editing equipment.

• But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. – Matthew 6:33
• To thine own self be true. – Bill Shakespeare – Hamlet Act 1 scene 3
• We make ourselves rich by making our wants few. – Henry Davis Thoreau
• The best things in life aren’t things. – Art Buchwald
• Not what I have, but what I do is my kingdom. – Thomas Carlyle
• Blah blah blah, bluh blah blah blah. – Me

There is no new wisdom.  We’ve been given the answers for eons.   And if we don’t or can’t look back for wisdom, all we need do is look at our own life.  Wisdom surrounds us.  And it is in our gut.  We know how we feel and, for the most part, we suppress it or ignore it.

How have I felt lately?  For the past  few years, I have felt irritated and empty.  The job I had, creating a monthly TV program for a local charity, was personally fulfilling and financially adequate.  And when I had that job, I really didn’t care about getting more money.  I was happy with the work I was doing.

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But once that job was gone, I found myself increasingly irritated at—what seems to me to be—meaningless work.  I have gotten some work producing some TV programs for a friend, and though they enable me to pay a scant few bills, at best they are tedious and frustrating to me.

Are there others out there who hate their job, yet don’t know how to move?  What do you do?  How do you rationalize it?  And if you have to rationalize it, are you only doing so for the sake of what others will think of you?

Is there a way to find something else?  A recent girlfriend was pissed at me for not going back to something I’d done almost two decades ago.  She claimed that, because I had the experience, I would be able to avoid most of the pitfalls.  Yet, to me, having that experience told me that going back to a similar project I’d had in the 1990’s would be a frustrating waste of time because the business landscape had dramatically changed.  In fact, one of the most successful producers in that field recently went belly-up after nearly 25 years.

Besides, I hate going back.

But back to finding something else… or something new or different to do to make a living.  I have already run into age discrimination to a certain extent.  Yet I also have friends who have told me that, if there were openings with their company, I’d have a job.

And I could do menial work too, just to be able to eat.  But how does one find their path?  Their calling?

I think it’s by floating.  I know Tony Robbins is going to disagree with me.  He’s going to tell you about deciding what you want and setting goals and specific steps to real those goals.

OK.  What I’d like to do is to be able to have a fifth-wheel and truck and travel America, finding interesting people and places, and creating YouTube videos about them.  But, since I have basically nothing, I am a long way from being able to do that.

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And, if you force yourself towards an outcome, are you pushing yourself away from something else?  Something, perhaps, better?  Shouldn’t I just live in the moment and see what life brings me?  Buddhist philosophy says that, if you are hoping for a certain outcome, you are most certainly hoping against another.  And, therefore, each hope is hiding unknown—or unacknowledged—fears.

So, if you are pushing for an outcome, are you equally—or more so—pushing away from something.

And what about God (or The Universe, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it) answering my desires or needs if I just focus on the moment and not worry about the future (and past)?

Gee, I started this blog to explore possible answers to my questions.  Now it seems as if I have only raised more.

Your thoughts?