Premembering a Future

My 4^th grade teacher was Miss Rucker.  She was a very sharp cookie.  I had some pretty cool elementary school teachers and, to this day, I still admire them.  But the only comment from a report card that I can remember from grade school is one from Miss Rucker.

As a kid I was fairly intelligent—far from the bonehead you know today—and I got pretty good grades.  In fact, in 1^st grade I got straight A’s.  (They were 1’s, 2’s and 3’s back then, so actually I got straight 1’s.)  But it was downhill from there.  After that initial year in academia, the sparkle of public education dulled rather hastily.  I felt more and more confined by the straight rows and daily imprisonment within those 1960’s era classrooms.

Me at about age 6

Most of the schools in our district were the same design.  Along the outside wall was a counter top which stood, roughly, waist-high for the children and then there were widows to the ceiling.  It was through those windows that my attention was daily drawn.  I’d sit, chin resting on one hand, and stare out of those windows.  This lead to Miss Rucker’s comment on one report card:

Billy daydreams too much…

And I did.  I was bored beyond words in school and, as the years progressed, it became more and more difficult for me to pay attention in class.  I still tested well and for the most part I got good grades.  I was invited into the GATE Program in 6^th grade.  They called it something different back then… I think it was The Enriched Program.  To me, it always sounded like some kind of bread dough…  Anyway, when I got to 10^th grade, I was invited into the Honor Roll Society or Club.  I still don’t know how I accomplished that.  I did carry a B average at the time, so I guess I qualified.  But that didn’t last long.  By 11^th grade my GPA was 1.8 and I even failed a few classes.  I do not remember with what GPA I did graduate.  I just made sure my grades and attendance were good enough for me to keep playing on the golf team.

Me in my early teen years

As I write this, I can still see the view out the window of Miss Rucker’s 4^th grade classroom window.  Those days were filled with play and adventure and Little League Baseball.  My focus was never on academics.  I was all about adventure.  Well, at least dreaming of adventure.  Sometimes I gazed out of that window and saw myself playing baseball.  Sometimes it was dreaming of an upcoming game.  Sometimes it was fantasies of playing in the Big Leagues.  Sometimes it was of being an astronaut in the space program.

And all the while Miss Rucker—may she rest in peace and forgive me—sounded just like the adults in A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Wah w-wah… wah w-wah wah wah waaahhh…

Yes, I daydreamed.  I did!  My mind was anywhere but in that classroom.  A lot of the time I daydreamed about what I’d be when I grew up… when I got out of stupid school!  Would I work in an office in aerospace like my father?  Be a doctor?  An actor?  On the radio?  A TV weatherman?  A writer? A drummer in a band?  A police officer?  A standup comic on a stage?  A TV producer?  Movie Director?  A teacher?  A husband?  A father?

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I imagined what each one of those jobs or professions would feel like.  I saw myself doing them.  Now, as I peer across the decades, back into the last millennium, I realize that I did, with the exception of becoming a doctor (thank your lucky stars!), have all of those jobs—in one way of another.

My first real job while I was in college was in aerospace as a computer operator and facilities manager at the same plant where my father worked.  For a brief and wonderful time, I majored in Theater Arts and was an actor in college and, over the years, I’ve had bit parts in a few independent films.  I was half of a very popular morning radio show in Palm Springs.  I was a TV weatherman for about a year.  I played drums in a band a few nights a week.

I had a really cool gig at a local night club hosting their Standup Comedy night.  I got to do my own bits first and then introduce the other comics.  I got a job at a local ABC affiliate and produced TV commercials and later I produced live telethons.  I also created and hosted my own TV show about the Coachella Valley and it ran for about five years.  Then for eight years I produced monthly TV shows for two charities.

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I wrote and directed two short films, so that (in my little mind) fulfilled my desire to be a director.  A few times I was invited to be a guest lecturer about writing at College of the Desert and about electronic media at Cal State San Bernardino, so that counts as being a teacher.  I’ve been a husband a few times and a father on three occasions.  Even a grandfather!  I didn’t imagine that way back when!

I was a reserve police officer for nearly ten years with the City of Palm Springs, CA.  I wanted to be a writer and my first radio job was to write commercials.  I’ve also published two books, a cookbook and a Kindle Short on Amazon, so that covers being a writer.

Daydream Believer

As I looked back, I wondered if I was imagining a future for myself or if it was already set and I somehow, subconsciously or at a higher level, knew that.  Many of my imaginings were so vivid it felt as though I was remembering something that hadn’t happened yet.  But if my future wasn’t preordained, then I could imagine it and create it by pre-remembering it.  By imagining it, I was Premembering my future.

I still do it.

I’m so often lost in my own world of thought that I’ve been accused, on more than one occasion, of being self-absorbed or quiet to the point of being boring.  Yeah.  That sounds like me.  But most of the time I am daydreaming about what I want to do next.  I’m premembering my future.