Basically, I’m an evil person. I have no doubt. Somewhere in my chromosomic configuration, I have the evil gene. Or genes. And how can one live in denial of his genetic structure?
I realize that some of my friends and followers may entertain a perception that I am a (somewhat) “nice guy,” but that only demonstrates my keen ability to keep my malevolent nature well concealed.
I’ve tried for decades to not only obscure my wickedness, but I have, in fact, tried to become Continue reading
Posted in Family, Humor
Tagged Alien, chromosome, Evil, evil brother, family, Heaven, John Hurt, little sister, playtex glove, prank, sibling, siblings, St. Peter
My mother turned 90 a few weeks ago and, the following Saturday, my five siblings and I held a party for her in our back yard.
The afternoon was perfect.
On the day before, my nephew, Dakota, and I set up rented tables and chairs. We set up food tables and Continue reading
In my life, I have had quite a few jobs. My first was raking sand traps at my father’s “country club” on weekend mornings. I was 15-years-old and, if I can recall with any accuracy, my pay was $1.15 per hour. My father helped me to get the job and, I’m sure, it was because he wanted me to get out into the work force. He wished me to begin to function on my own as a (quasi-) adult. Continue reading
Let me, at the outset, say that I meant no malice towards my family. My intention was to cook them dinner, not cause nearly convulsive physical duress. I guess I should first give you the recipe for my Italian Beef Tenderloin. Continue reading
All of us, at one time or another, suffer loss. We lose cell phones, car keys; we even sometimes lose our way. There are losses from which we more easily recover and there are those which rain down upon us with a devastation that consumes us with fears that we will be unable to continue with our lives.
Statistics confirm that at least half of those Continue reading
Just the other day I got a brand new pillow. A pillow may not be a big deal to you, but I’m incredibly picky about my pillow. It has to be a down pillow and, when I travel, I bring it with me. If my pillow is not right, either too flat or too full or too hard, I cannot sleep. I can’t count on the hotel Continue reading
I’ve finally gotten to the age where I find myself, more and more often, saying, “I remember when…” It’s a teeny bit frustrating to sound like a classic old man but, let’s face it, I am. Wait. I don’t, by any stretch, mean that I’m a classic. But I am definitely a senior citizen. Still, it’s as if, as long as I don’t openly admit it, I can continue to live in a hazy state of disavowal. Continue reading
Have you ever watched an event transpiring and said to yourself, “This can’t be happening?” The first time it happened to me was in the second grade. And, to this day, I am still amazed at what occurred.
Okay. Let me begin by saying Continue reading
We’re done for. I’ve said it before and my position only grows stronger. In a past post called Healthcare Will Kill Us All, I explained the process it took from telling my primary care physician that I felt I’d torn my biceps, to finally getting to the surgeon five months later who said, Continue reading
It’s often curious to me how people can manage to find a coincidence whenever they need one. Instead of just following their heart and doing what they want to do on its own merit—for no other reason that it makes them feel good and it’s what they want to do—they search for Continue reading
I was born nine years after the end of WWII; immediately following the Korean War. Being of the post-war “Boomer” generation, many of the toys I had during my formative years were war toys. True, we also had cowboy pistols and rifles due to the preponderance of westerns on TV, especially Saturday afternoons. But one of the popular shows on Continue reading
It was a day like any other. There wasn’t anything unique about it. It was so nondescript, in fact, that I recall nothing else about the day except that moment. Of course, everything else in my life pales in comparison to that moment so it isn’t surprising that nothing else from that day stands out. Continue reading
I am, without doubt, an uncultured slob. Perhaps that’s why I don’t understand “the Arts.” Now, I have no formal education in any of the arts. But I have tried to appreciate it/them.
Well, wait. When I was in college, long before the turn of the century, I took a class called Art Appreciation. So I guess that counts as Continue reading
I think superstitions are silly. And I know I’ve had a few in my life. Mostly they revolved around my golf game. My skill level has always rested upon a precarious perch somewhere between bad and truly horrible.
My best 18-hole score is 75. I’d scored in the 70’s quite a bit when I was young and played all the time. But I could never crack that Continue reading
Even as I was doing it, I knew it was the wrong thing to be doing. I looked over to our neighbor’s yard—our “yards” in those days were basically dirt separated my more dirt—and saw his collie prancing about with Continue reading
Horrible. That’s the word for it. Horrible. It was the most horrible dream I’d ever had. I woke up in a cold sweat. I believe I was actually shuddering with fear. What I saw or, more accurately, what I heard was truly horrifying.
In my dream, I had died. That wasn’t the terrible part. At the point I can recall my dream, I had already died and Continue reading
When I was a kid, we had this really cool thing called outside. It was amazing. If you wanted to do something, you went there. These days, I don’t think kids have outside. They just sit in the house and stare at small, hand-held devices. Well, if they do venture out, they being their devices with them and continue to stare.
Just the other day I heard a friend say that she Continue reading
I know the location of an actual buried treasure. Well, let’s just say that I can come within approximately ten yards of it. But, because I lost the map, I can’t get to the exact location. It was buried in the last millennium but, once in a while, I think of that treasure.
Buried pirate treasure has long been a delightful myth within our culture. In truth, there was very little Continue reading