In my early radio days, many (many, many, many) years ago, our AM station changed formats to TalkRadio. Since I was Program Director, I was invited to join the TalkRadio Affiliates Board. We were supposedly in existence to give a voice to the affiliates in directly expressing concerns to the network.
It also gave affiliates a chance to network with others across the nation; to see what was working, perhaps discuss various challenges they might be having and to share what ways others may be marketing themselves.
One affiliate from Pittsburgh had done a survey to learn the phrase which listeners heard the most often or recalled most easily from their programming. Was it the word TalkRadio? Was it their call letters? Perhaps one of their jingles. Was it the name of one of their on-air personalities?
TalkRadio, at least back in those days, appealed to, shall we say, an older demographic. And many of the advertisers they attracted with their older demographic were home healthcare services and pharmaceutical companies. The leading response in this radio station’s survey was, by far, use only as directed. It brought some chuckles to their marketing department, because they all instantly realized that use only as directed was said at the end of almost every national commercial which ran during their broadcasts.
Recently I wrote about some of my challenges with aging. It’s a topic which has been on my mind quite a lot since, the older I get, the more doctors I see. As I accrue more and more medications for my aging body, I am vigilant in making sure that I use them only as directed.
Side Effects
And, with each refill, I’m given half a ream of paper with facts about that particular medication. Who reads all of this? I did ponder if I should look through one or two. Once I did, I immediately realized that I would have been better off to continue to toss these information sheets into the trash without reading them. I know that most of the verbiage about side effects is to cover their butts in case of law suits, but some of these side effects are downright frightening. For example, one of my current refills said:
Certain side effects may include,
- headache
Now available in Paperback and for Kindle!
- mild nausea
- shortness of breath
- talkative eyeballs
- exploding fingernails
- whistling penis
- inverted kneecaps
- elongated sphincter
- candied lungs
- melting molars
- depressive euphoria
- gloriously luxurious eyelashes
- prolapsed larynx
- inquisitive earlobes
- bovine thyroid syndrome
- argumentative follicles
- overzealous prostate
- catapulting pancreas
- inter-dimensional flatulence
- regurgitating eyelids
- recurring death
- and inability to recognize fish.
Once again, I read through the accompanying paperwork out of mild curiosity and because I had some time to kill whilst resting up before my nap. But I think I’ll skip the warnings from now on.
