More than 40 years ago, when I was bucking the odds and trying to break into radio, I’d been in touch with a radio station in Palm Springs. The man who would eventually hire me and give me the opportunity to launch my career, had just become the Program Director and answered my unsolicited air-check tape with a letter saying he had no openings at that time, but would like to build up a small list of potential candidates if a job opening occurred in the future. He asked if I’d like to meet with him then or wait until there was an opening. I thought it would be better to meet him right away in hopes that, if we hit it off, he’d have a face to put with the name on his list.
Possibly the last smart move I made in my life, but it worked. He and I did hit it off and some four months later he wrote me a note saying there might be an opening coming up and wanted to know if I could write commercials. I wrote about ten spec commercials and sent them to him along with a (hopefully) funny story about getting his letter.
For my ‘spec” commercials, I went through the local circular and tried to find ads that were what I came to know as “laundry list” ads. Those are the type which have no creativity and simply contain a list of items for sale or being featured at, say, a restaurant. I snipped each ad from the paper and stapled it to the radio commercial I wrote so he could see what I was working with and then be able to comprehend my brilliant creativity!
Despite the odds, I got the job!
Sometime later, he told me that it wasn’t the commercials I’d written that got me the job but that my letter accompanying the prospective commercials demonstrated to him my creativity. As I became more experienced as a writer of radio commercials, I thought back to my early spec spots and realized my initial efforts were riddled with clichés. In my defense, I believe I was a victim of decades of listening to radio commercials. I think that I subconsciously wrote the same way that I’d heard commercials for the previous 20 years of my life.
I’m still haunted by the memory of the first spec spot I wrote for him. It was for a restaurant (I believe it was Norm’s) and they were offering an early bird dinner special for something like $4.99. I think I began with:
Norm’s is having an early bird special for four ninety-nine! That’s right! Four ninety-nine!
Each time I recall it, it still feels like nails-on-a-chalk-board-down-my-spine-and-throbbing-between-my-ears. That’s right! is one of the all-time clichés. It’s nothing more than superfluous fodder. At the very least you can make a more powerful emphasis by using a brief pause between the two 4.99’s. It actually will give the second one more prominence. Truthfully, it would be better to come up with something more creative and, possibly, humorous but sometimes the client wants what the client wants and you do your best to give them what they want while trying to polish it as much as you can.
Another I remember is …and much, much more.
Joe’s Shoe Store has this and that and much, much more!
Not more. And not much more. But much, much more! Should his competitor run an ad with much, much, much more? That’s Right! Much, much, much, much, much, much more!
With radio advertising, the advantage is that the visuals are filled in by the listener because humans think in pictures. If I say the word wristwatch, for example, you’ll picture a wristwatch. And, if at that moment, you happen to be in need of a new watch, you’ll picture the watch you imagine getting. So, instead of the advertiser listing a bunch of types of watches (or shoes or whatever), they simply have to say they have a large selection of watches for every price range. You may not have the exact watch your customer is looking for, but the point of the commercial is to get the customer in the door. If you don’t have exactly what they’re looking for, you sell them a different one. At that point the selling is up to you. The ad did its job and got the customer into the store.
We went through a long period of ads that included the phrase: The desert’s best kept secret. One of the most cringe-worthy of phrases. If it’s a secret you are so enthusiastically keeping, then why are you advertising it? I think you just made it the desert’s worst kept secret. To me, it made the advertiser sound condescending. This little jewel (another cliché!) is our best kept secret. Sure. And you’re paying money to tell everyone. Don’t yank my chain with your baloney. Especially when it’s followed with Tell your friends!
The little ditty, Call today, don’t delay! used to drive me nuts.
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And I used to scream at the radio when I heard, For all your ______ needs. It seemed like we went through a stretch when everyone was using that one. For all your home decorating needs. For all your home cooking needs. For all your camping needs. For all your gardening needs. It went on and on. The one that finally put me over the edge was when a client-written commercial came in and my buddy, Terry, who was production director, voiced the spot. It was for a business that sold atrium doors. The spot ended with the phrase …for all your desert atrium door needs.
First off, I don’t know how many homes in the desert had atriums. Nor did I know how many of said atriums required doors. It seemed to me to be a very narrowly-targeted business. But let’s say I was to own a home with an atrium, how many frapping atrium door needs could I possibly have?!!? But these guys definitely covered all of them!
We began making up slogans for the end of various ads.
- For all your car washing needs.
- For all your fried chicken needs.
- For all your lawn turf needs.
- For all your regular or unleaded needs.
- For all your buy one burrito and get the second one for free needs.
- For all your getting drunk and trying to get laid needs.
- For all your double Whopper needs.
- For all your new tires needs.
- For all your fresh pie needs.
- For all your ball point pen needs.
- For all your appendicitis needs.
- For all your litter bag needs.
Often there was a lot of down time at the ol’ radio station…
Our store is the best kept secret in the world! Everyone’s talking about it so tell your friends! We’ve got the best deals in town! That’s right! The best deals in town! And much, much more! So call today and don’t delay! And hurry on down for the best deals in town! Your mileage may vary. Highway mileage will be less. Much, much less.
