The Power of Negativity

I spent a few hours this past week visiting with some friends.  One of the men is attending college with long-term career goals in mind.  He talked with us about a conversation he’d had with one of his professors and that the professor had expressed doubt that, with my friend’s background, he would be able to achieve his career goals.

My friend said that this conversation had totally deflated him.  On his drive home he told us that he felt like just quitting school since, if he wasn’t going to be able to pursue his dream, then he wasn’t going to spend another few years wasting his time.

My best bud told him that his professor didn’t know what he was talking about and that there would be plenty of room for him to excel in his chosen field.  I told him that he should not listen to the man, not because he didn’t know what he was talking about, but that one shouldn’t let another person dissuade you from what you want to do in life.  I told him that you shouldn’t listen to others because they don’t know your circumstances and, most importantly, they don’t know your heart.  And I told him that what you want to do is your business and not the business of anyone else.

Our conversation seemed to reassure him and he thanked us and said he felt better.  Once in a while his self-doubt would pop back up and he’d reiterate how he felt during his drive home the previous night; like he was chasing a false dream.  We talked more about it and eventually he asked to read to us a paper he’d written.  We told him to go ahead.  Once finished, we talked about what he meant and how he could improve his grammar a little; English being his second language.  We also told him we agreed with the position he took in his paper and told him we thought it was good work!

He appeared to be in better spirits and was forgetting the discouraging words of his professor.

In hopes of cheering him up a bit more I said, “Hey!  Let me read you something I wrote.”

He looked me dead in the eye and said, “The problem with things you write is that they are long and they are boring!”

Now I can’t write.

At the moment, I laughed off what he said and read him (a shortened-on-the-fly version of) a humorous piece I’d written.  At least I thought it was humorous.  The others laughed but he didn’t.

So, now I can’t write.

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It’s been days and I haven’t been able to write a thing.  I have been working on a sequel to my police memoirs, One Shining Moment, the Real Life Adventures of a Volunteer Police Officer, but since that day, I haven’t been able to write a thing.  I have also been compiling notes and paragraphs on a book I want to write about following your dream(s).  Of course, one of those chapters or segments will be about not letting others discourage you.  But now I can’t write.

I can’t write a darn thing.  All I can see if his face and hear his voice as he tells me, “The things you write are long and they are boring.”  I just want to quit.  I have also, lately, been trying to pull together some time to schedule some shots to complete a short film I am working on, but now I don’t even want to do that.  I have lost all motivation for anything creative, for following any of my desires and dreams.

What is making this more frustrating for me is that I know you don’t let the opinion of others influence you!  I believe it!  I preach it!  But I can’t write.

The lesson I am taking from this is how diligently you have to watch what you say to another.  I’ve shared a story with some others about a time when I was playing Little League Baseball.  I was probably 11-years-old or so.  We had a teenage boy as one of our coaches.  When you’re 11, someone who is 17 is quite a bit older than you.  I was waiting on the top steps of the dugout for my turn to move to the on-deck circle.  This teen turned to me and I looked up at him, awaiting his instructions for my at bat.

“God, you’re ugly,” he said to me.  It was so unexpected and his comments were so laced with venom that it shook me to my little core.  Though my advanced age has caused his face to disappear from my memory, there are times when, out of nowhere, I still see his silhouette and hear his words.  I’m not saying he was wrong about my looks, but the negative emotion he spewed sliced deeply into me.

So, I have tried to watch what I say to people, especially when I am critical of their actions or behavior.  And many times I have failed.  Many times.  But I remember how that felt to me and I try not to spread any negativity to others.

Perhaps I can also use this current incident as a way to remind myself of the power of negative words, and to choose my own words more judiciously.

It’s hard enough to face one’s own Inner Critics and keep plowing ahead.  I think a lot of us struggle with believing in ourselves and our dreams.  So I believe we need to just ignore the chatter of others and keep working towards what we want.  Still, since I can still hear him right now, I think my friend may be correct.  My writing isn’t good and I suck and I am a loathsome vermin fit only for extermination.  Perhaps sharing this with you will get me going again…